Sunset Love 

Adult children present a sizable obstacle for many elderly singles who want to remarry. Inheritance, and wealth and property in general, are among the very practical reasons why they often object to their parents’ remarriage. Traditionally, any assets left to a widowed parent would all eventually be passed along to the children. But a second spouse also has rights to these assets…though with a very blatant legal stipulation: the later spouse may not cause the assets passed on to the children to be diminished in any significant way.

Remarriage for older people is almost never simple. But leading up to their 2001 union, Ms. Yang and Mr. Chen faced unusually harsh challenges in the form of disapproval from their grown children.

Faced with the rage and condescension her son exhibited, Ms. Yang was deeply hurt.

Mr. Chen, however, would not be deterred. He sought employment from his future son-in-law’s boss and used the relationship that they developed over time to pressure the son to be more accepting. Ultimately, Mr. Chen realized the root of the son’s disapproval was in financial concerns

If anything, Mr. Chen and Ms. Yang’s unflinching perseverance in the face of such unbelievable difficulty speaks to the promise that marriage holds for so many older couples.

As soon as the news got out about the marriage of Nobel Prize winner Yang Zhenning, currently 82 years old, and 28-year-old Master’s student Weng Fan, it became a hot topic of discussion in China. But who’s business is love anyway? Certainly we all believe it is our own. But the unlikely love of Yang Zhenning and Weng Fan unexpectedly incited a strong public response: there were those who supported the union, those who were indifferent, and those who were moved by the relationship, but mostly, people seemed to be opposed.

In 1950, Yang Zhenning, 25 years old, married in the Princeton University. His wife Du Zhili was the daughter of Du Yuming, who was a general of Kuomintang. The couple shared a life of 53 years, till October 2003, when Du Zhili died of illness. Yang Zhenning had been staying in the experts’ apartment in the Tsinghua University since he returned China. He named the place 归根居. On December 24, 2004, 82 year old Yang Zhenning married Weng Fan, who was 28 years old in Guangdong, giving the society a great shock.

Every person has the right to love and be loved, and the occurrence of love is not something anyone can anticipate, nor is it something that a sometimes significant age difference can interfere with. All the more so in these love-filled times. Perhaps Yang Zhenning, who, in essence, knocked down the barriers for Chinese people to win the Nobel Prize, may also knock down the barriers that exist in older Chinese people’s hearts, enabling them to pursue their own happiness and have the companionship they deserve.

After older people have successfully remarried, they still face a number of practical problems. For example, they have to face a range challenges adjusting to another person’s daily life habits, including everything from snoring to how wealth and property should be distributed, to how assistance and support are received from the adult children of both parties.

Some say that so-called “twilight marriages” are inherently more difficult than those among younger people. This stands to reason, as it only becomes more difficult to change and adapt to another person as we become older. In fact, however, many couples find that such adaptations a very manageable goal.

When Ms. Chen married Mr. Wang 10 years ago, she found one of his habits to be particularly endearing. Every month, Mr. Wang volunteers to serve the sick and elderly members of his community, mainly by offering free haircuts, but also by changing burned-out light bulbs, buying food, and any other needs his neighbors have that may be out of their reach. Ms. Chen is so supportive that the volunteering has become part of her routine, as well.

Some people say that the remarriage of older people is “a fragile dream.” Perhaps this is due to the fact that many of the couples who do successfully remarry eventually divorce.

Some people view remarriage as just a convenient arrangement, ignoring the value of love as a potential component. They feel that because older people have already crossed the childbearing years of their lives; and because they’ve already given their youth and their innocence to another person; to remarry at this point is just to keep loneliness at bay and have a way to kill time. But love remains the foundation of any marriage, whether in one’s youth, middle age, or later years, and love is always the most important part. Loveless marriages will always be unhappy ones.

Some older people have a habit of constantly reminiscing about the partner who has already passed away. Even when on a stroll together with the new spouse, and the spouse merely comments on the weather, no matter what, the new person is never as good as the one before, and an argument ensues.

Editor:Hu  Source:CCTV.com